My Reality; Not My Identity
For the title image of this newsletter, I used an A.I. art generator, played around with the settings, and put in the title of this newsletter as a prompt. With a little modification, the above image is what I got. Trippy!
I got a lot going on. There’s a lot happening to me. I’m trying to stay above the fray of things beyond my control trying to drag me down. This isn’t any Facebook nonsense. Nothing like that. I’m pretty good about using social media without internalizing it. There are things, such as health issues, that are mostly beyond my control that I’m struggling to come to grips with.
One trick I’ve relied on in the past is gratitude. When I’m not in a good headspace, but I can still remember to do so, I come up with a list of specific things I can be grateful for that day. I don’t spend a lot of time running them over and over. I just make the mental list and move on.
It works pretty well, but it isn’t quite doing the trick like it used to. I still do this, but I also started thinking about what my mental, emotional, spiritual goal was in trying to overcome the darkness within and without. I came up with the sentiment that is summed up in the title phrase: My Reality: Not My Identity. I googled it and didn’t find the exact phrase anywhere, so maybe this is something slightly new under the sun.
A lot of people take on an attitude summed up by “No Limits”. There is a lot of value in that. The way you achieve your fullest potential is by setting goals beyond the limits you have in your head or that people around you impose upon you. Because if you accept those limits, you’ll come up that far and no further. With my writing career, I thought of this idea as “Believing My Own Myth” and it allowed me to punch way above my weight until I actually improved as a writer.
As I’ve gotten older and sicker, I’ve had to accept certain realities about my conditions. I can defy them by screaming, “No Limits”, like some sort of elder extreme athlete, but that doesn’t change the reality of certain things I have to accept in order to follow the required steps to survive, steps that are not always desirable or preferred.
So, I’ve moved into a position of recognizing my limits, but then seeing how much I can accomplish and surpass expectations within the framework of that immutable reality. The problem is that it is very easy for your conditions to become your identity as their care takes up such a huge portion of your day and your energy. You go from being a person with illnesses or a person who has disabilities to being a sick person or disabled. That becomes the identity and I end up adopting the prescriptions and predetermined roles of that identity.
I am disabled. That is a reality. However, I’d like to operate under a different identity that facilitates my goals more efficiently, one that I define for myself.
I want to accept the reality, so I can face the responsibilities of what I’m dealing with, but I don’t want to be solely defined by those particular realities. Things can change suddenly and in unexpected ways. The best way to be primed to capitalize on the opportunities presented by unexpected changes is to be in a position to define and redefine yourself. Accept the realities, but don’t be defined by your present circumstances to the point that it is your sole identity. Once you accept something down to an identity level, change is mostly shut off because that is now who you are as opposed to simply what is happening to you.
So, I’m currently in the process of separating what is simply my reality for now from what I choose as my identity and definition.
Here are some things you might be interested in:
Because They Asked…
When I livestream my writing on my Twitch channel, people come into the chat and ask me questions. The most common question is advice for new writers. This short video is my most recent answer to that question.
Jack’s Magic Beans #BrianKeeneRevisited
by Jay Wilburn
Jack’s Magic Beans is a collection from Brian Keene from Deadite Press that leads off with the title novella and then offers a few more favorite stories from collections now out of print. Everything in here is good …
Author’s Note: I wrote this story a very long time ago. It’s been edited a few times, but is still pretty raw. This is my splatterpunk retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk.
“Jack”
by Jay Wilburn
Jack waited for the boards to creak a little closer to his corner. He wrung his hands on the ax handle and felt his muscles ache with anticipation …
Stone Wicked is Out Now!
I’m prouder of this book than anything I’ve put out for a long time. If you read nothing else I’ve written, grab up this. But then, you know, buy and read more of my stuff too. It’s a trap really. I’m trying to trap you into wanting to read more of what I write.
I might want to buy it. Show me more.
Thanks, Everybody
Find past newsletters here.
This is some great advice. This is the journey we are meant to take. Reaching for the next unattainable goal and then realizing it is attainable after all. Never settle with the stigma that comes with labels, medical or otherwise. Rise above and achieve.